Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
