I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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