Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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