i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
