If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
