For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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