In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
