I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
