My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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