Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Randomize
