Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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