So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
