how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
