don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
