I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
