3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
