Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
