There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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