my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
