Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
