Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he shaved USA in his pubs
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
