it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
