when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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