Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
