like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
