I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
