If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
