Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
ttyl tear gas
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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