I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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