bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
