Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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