if you like me you must not know who I am
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he was CRYING into my vagina
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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