I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
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