now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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