I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
