I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
