At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
