she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
