I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
