Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
