is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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