I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
