Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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