I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I puked a lego.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
