you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
