I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
