When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
