those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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