about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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