those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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