oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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